Below is a message I delivered at Matthew and Christine’s wedding a couple of years ago at Scarritt Bennett in Nashville showing the differences between a contract and covenant understanding of marriage.
Welcome
Now, Matthew and Christine, I invite you to take a moment and look around at all the friends and family gathered here today. Each of these people is here to support you, to celebrate your love, and to witness the commitment you are making to one another.
As you stand before them, remember that you are not only pledging your love to each other, but also inviting these cherished individuals into your journey as a married couple. Their presence here symbolizes their love, encouragement, and support as you embark on this beautiful adventure together.
Opening Prayer
Message & Reading from the Bible
We often hear people say marriage is a “covenant, not a contract.” But what does that really mean? Here are the differences.
1. Contract vs. Covenant
- A contract is often a temporary deal — “Let’s try this out and see if it works.”
- A covenant is a lifelong commitment — “I’m in this for the long haul, no matter how many times you leave your socks on the floor.”
The traditional wedding vows speak to this lifelong commitment.
Landon Saunders said it beautifully:
“Marriage means a man and woman looking deep into each other’s eyes and saying, ‘I will never leave you. Others may come and go in our life; I never will — for any reason — ever. If you wrinkle, I’ll love you. If you fail, I’ll stay with you. If you get sick, I’ll feed you, bathe you, sit up with you, anything except leave you. I will never leave you.’”
2. Forgiveness
- In a contract, if you make a mistake, don’t count on being forgiven. You might need to call your lawyer.
- A covenant understands that everyone makes mistakes. Forgiveness is built in — just like God’s love for us. The Bible teaches us to forgive as we have been forgiven.
3. Intimacy
- Contracts can be impersonal — you shake hands and hope for the best.
- A covenant is about deep intimacy. Scripture puts it bluntly: “They were naked and not ashamed.” It’s about being completely open and honest with each other.
4. Self vs. Relationship
- A contract is about putting yourself first, trying to get the best terms.
- A covenant puts the relationship first. It’s about serving each other and sacrificing for the good of the marriage. Not asking, “What’s in it for me?” but saying, “I’m in it for us.”
5. Sacredness
- A covenant is holy, like a sacred promise. That’s why we call it “holy matrimony.”
- When you marry, your spouse becomes unique and irreplaceable — like that chipped coffee mug you can’t bear to part with.
6. Trust
- A contract is based on distrust, which is why every little detail must be spelled out.
- A covenant is based on trust: “I trust you to keep your promise for life.”
7. Community
- Contracts are focused on individuals.
- A covenant is about community. Your friends and family support your marriage and help you stay committed. They are like a cheering squad — without the pom-poms.
Words of Wisdom
As you enter into this sacred covenant of marriage, remember that your union is not just a bond between two individuals, but a partnership that reflects God’s love and grace.
Ephesians 4:2–3 reminds us: “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.”
- Communicate openly and honestly.
- Commit yourselves to prayer and seek God’s guidance.
- Let His Word guide your decisions and deepen your love.
- Hold fast to one another with love, respect, and forgiveness.
May your home be filled with faith, your hearts with love, and your lives with joy as you serve one another — and God — together.
Always remember: marriage is not a contract; it is a covenant — a lifelong adventure filled with laughter, challenges, love, and the occasional sock war.
The Lord’s Prayer
Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name.
Thy kingdom come.
Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
Forever and ever. Amen.